Comments for Difficult Relationships http://www.difficultrelationships.com Difficult Relationships - honest answers to relationship dilemmas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Your son will probably lie to you if you make telling the truth harder for him than it ought to be by Rod Smith http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2012/01/21/your-son-will-probably-lie-to-you-if-you-make-telling-the-truth-harder-for-him-than-it-ought-to-be/#comment-5386 Rod Smith Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/?p=5753#comment-5386 “I completely identify with the mother who wrote about her 15 year old son dating. My son was also 15 when he announced that he had a girlfriend. I was not happy! The girl in question was not one I would have chosen for him. I decided to keep the lines of communication open, and we often chatted about dating and life, etc. He had joined ‘The Silver Ring Thing’, an organization which emphasised the wisdom of remaining a virgin until marriage. He wore his ring constantly. I also made the girl welcome in our home, and she respected me enough to listen as we shared our family values. After much private prayer, my son decided to break off the relationship. Although I knew this was not the right relationship, I had become very fond of the young lady and felt a great deal of compassion for her. My son, older and wiser, resisted entering into another relationship until he met the right girl. They have been happily married for two years now, and are expecting their first baby. Handled wisely, the wrong relationship can be a learning curve. If parents become intolerant, it can cause the young person to ‘dig in their heels’, with disastrous consequences.” “I completely identify with the mother who wrote about her 15 year old son dating. My son was also 15 when he announced that he had a girlfriend. I was not happy! The girl in question was not one I would have chosen for him. I decided to keep the lines of communication open, and we often chatted about dating and life, etc. He had joined ‘The Silver Ring Thing’, an organization which emphasised the wisdom of remaining a virgin until marriage. He wore his ring constantly. I also made the girl welcome in our home, and she respected me enough to listen as we shared our family values. After much private prayer, my son decided to break off the relationship. Although I knew this was not the right relationship, I had become very fond of the young lady and felt a great deal of compassion for her. My son, older and wiser, resisted entering into another relationship until he met the right girl. They have been happily married for two years now, and are expecting their first baby. Handled wisely, the wrong relationship can be a learning curve. If parents become intolerant, it can cause the young person to ‘dig in their heels’, with disastrous consequences.”

]]> Comment on Help! – readers who loved Durban’s soccer in the sixties… by Gavin Owen-Thomas http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/12/04/help-readers-who-loved-durbans-soccer-in-the-sixties/#comment-5384 Gavin Owen-Thomas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:56:32 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/12/04/help-readers-who-loved-durbans-soccer-in-the-sixties/#comment-5384 Of course - he was a great addition to East London United. Of course – he was a great addition to East London United.

]]> Comment on Guidelines for emails, text messages, Facebook, and other forms of electronic communication… by Jenny http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2012/01/18/guidelines-for-emails-text-messages-facebook-and-other-forms-of-electronic-communication/#comment-5355 Jenny Wed, 18 Jan 2012 15:54:17 +0000 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/?p=5748#comment-5355 Excellent, Rod; I'm sharing this on my facebook! May I express my disappointment, though, that it seems the current generation is not 'into' correct grammar, punctuation, and general well-written English. It seems that everyone is expected to know text-language. Thanks for these good reminders, I needed them too. Excellent, Rod; I’m sharing this on my facebook! May I express my disappointment, though, that it seems the current generation is not ‘into’ correct grammar, punctuation, and general well-written English.
It seems that everyone is expected to know text-language.
Thanks for these good reminders, I needed them too.

]]> Comment on Super-power #3: Imagination by Dave Engle http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2012/01/10/super-power-3-imagination/#comment-5325 Dave Engle Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:50:40 +0000 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/?p=5734#comment-5325 Thanks Rod for reminding me that I really have received all things that pertain to life...and godliness ... keep on keeping it simple, direct and pointed. I appreciate you from the time your taught here in 2008 in the IBC in Kona Dave E Thanks Rod for reminding me that I really have received all things that pertain to life…and godliness … keep on keeping it simple, direct and pointed.
I appreciate you from the time your taught here in 2008 in the IBC in Kona

Dave E

]]> Comment on Did you know you are Super Human? by Derrick Miles http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2012/01/08/did-you-know-you-are-super-human/#comment-5320 Derrick Miles Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:49:39 +0000 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/?p=5726#comment-5320 Yep...I know I'm Superhuman. We wrote a book about it! http://www.super-humanperformance.com Yep…I know I’m Superhuman. We wrote a book about it!

http://www.super-humanperformance.com

]]> Comment on This is the suicide season….. by Rod Smith http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2010/12/21/this-is-the-suicide-season/#comment-5139 Rod Smith Thu, 22 Dec 2011 22:59:48 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/?p=4044#comment-5139 Thanks for your interest and concern. I will modify the article immediately. You are correct. I ought to have done more research before posting. It is too late to catch the error in papers but it is not too late for the web. Please let me know you have seen this response. Rod Thanks for your interest and concern. I will modify the article immediately. You are correct. I ought to have done more research before posting. It is too late to catch the error in papers but it is not too late for the web. Please let me know you have seen this response.

Rod

]]> Comment on This is the suicide season….. by Smidoz http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2010/12/21/this-is-the-suicide-season/#comment-5137 Smidoz Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:21:39 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/?p=4044#comment-5137 I was thinking about this issue s few weeks ago, so I decided to do some research. I think we should always check the information we are given, there are many common misconceptions out there, & this is one of them. According to the WHO, suicide statistics in countries where Christmas is widely celebrated, are generally lower around the silly season. The article is good, I like the message. The premise that this is suicide peak season is false though, perhaps it would be better to check stats before making statements about them. This is how common errors become common, people pass them on like they are facts without checking them. I was thinking about this issue s few weeks ago, so I decided to do some research. I think we should always check the information we are given, there are many common misconceptions out there, & this is one of them. According to the WHO, suicide statistics in countries where Christmas is widely celebrated, are generally lower around the silly season.
The article is good, I like the message. The premise that this is suicide peak season is false though, perhaps it would be better to check stats before making statements about them. This is how common errors become common, people pass them on like they are facts without checking them.

]]> Comment on Ten signs of Spiritual Abuse…. by Stephen Crosby http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/#comment-5073 Stephen Crosby Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:15:43 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/?p=1226#comment-5073 Great stuff . . . this might help some too: "You Might be in a Cult if . . . . . http://swordofthekingdom.com/2011/12/07/you-might-be-in-a-cult-if/ Great stuff . . . this might help some too:

“You Might be in a Cult if . . . . .

http://swordofthekingdom.com/2011/12/07/you-might-be-in-a-cult-if/

]]> Comment on There’s hope: my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. We got help and it worked! by Caroline http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2007/03/10/theres-hope-my-husband-told-me-he-didnt-love-me-anymore-we-got-help-and-it-worked/#comment-4969 Caroline Tue, 22 Nov 2011 23:37:07 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2007/03/10/theres-hope-my-husband-told-me-he-didnt-love-me-anymore-we-got-help-and-it-worked/#comment-4969 I know how you both feel, only I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary a week ago. My problems stemmed from my mother in law, who has always disliked me. She split my husband and I up 6 years ago (when he was just a boyfriend) and it took me two years to to accept him back. We are best friends, soul mates, and love each other dearly. We have two children, a 3 year old and a now 4 month old, and three months ago we got in a simple argument, went to bed angry, and the next morning he drove three hours to his mothers house and went to visit attorneys to get a divorce the next morning. Instead of offering to pay for marriage counseling, his parents paid 5,000 for an attorney and 25,000 cash for a new car for him, all in two days. It saddens me to know that my husband is still a child, and relies on his parents and their opinions so much that he is leaving me, again, because of them. No, we are not perfect and I'm sure I have nagged him to death about minor things, but that's not grounds for a divorce. I didn't even have notice to fix the issues. The first time I heard about the problems was when he walked out the door and left me and the two kids at home. Not to mention I was a stay at home mom that gave up a full scholarship (wanted to be a heart surgeon) to move 4 hours away to be with him and start a family. I just so happen to get a part time job a week before he left me so the minimal money I make can pay my immediate bills. I had to use my 3 year old childs savings to pay my attorney. From that day forward, for the last two and a half months, however, we have been trying to work things out. We have been doing GREAT! He has taken me to dinner, the movies, and we even had a vacation, just us two locally at the beach last weekend. During a romantic evening he told me he loved me again, the first time since this started. We cuddled all night and then he left two days later for work out of town. He's been gone 5 days, and just told me last night that he would rather spend Thanksgiving with his parents then with me and the kids (his parents have no idea we've been working things out the past two months and he is too ashamed to tell them). I naturally got upset and said I was done with us. Then last night he text me and told me he doesn't have any feelings for me in a relationship type way. Will someone please explain to me how he could love me last week and now he has not one feeling towards me? I'm done crying though...Even though he set me back to my high school days financially and in schooling, I will move on and get my life together for these kids. I'm just really sad and disappointed that someones parents could have such an impact on a grown man. I don't know if he is blind to his real feelings or if he lied to me last week when he said he loved me. Either way, I have no choice but to move on. It's true what they say, you can't make someone love you...but then again, would you WANT to be with someone that you had to convince to be with you??? Praying I find a mature man that loves his mother but not more then me! I feel for you all.. tears are a waste of time, and so is a spouse who treats you like dirt. I know how you both feel, only I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary a week ago. My problems stemmed from my mother in law, who has always disliked me. She split my husband and I up 6 years ago (when he was just a boyfriend) and it took me two years to to accept him back. We are best friends, soul mates, and love each other dearly. We have two children, a 3 year old and a now 4 month old, and three months ago we got in a simple argument, went to bed angry, and the next morning he drove three hours to his mothers house and went to visit attorneys to get a divorce the next morning. Instead of offering to pay for marriage counseling, his parents paid 5,000 for an attorney and 25,000 cash for a new car for him, all in two days. It saddens me to know that my husband is still a child, and relies on his parents and their opinions so much that he is leaving me, again, because of them. No, we are not perfect and I’m sure I have nagged him to death about minor things, but that’s not grounds for a divorce. I didn’t even have notice to fix the issues. The first time I heard about the problems was when he walked out the door and left me and the two kids at home. Not to mention I was a stay at home mom that gave up a full scholarship (wanted to be a heart surgeon) to move 4 hours away to be with him and start a family. I just so happen to get a part time job a week before he left me so the minimal money I make can pay my immediate bills. I had to use my 3 year old childs savings to pay my attorney. From that day forward, for the last two and a half months, however, we have been trying to work things out. We have been doing GREAT! He has taken me to dinner, the movies, and we even had a vacation, just us two locally at the beach last weekend. During a romantic evening he told me he loved me again, the first time since this started. We cuddled all night and then he left two days later for work out of town. He’s been gone 5 days, and just told me last night that he would rather spend Thanksgiving with his parents then with me and the kids (his parents have no idea we’ve been working things out the past two months and he is too ashamed to tell them). I naturally got upset and said I was done with us. Then last night he text me and told me he doesn’t have any feelings for me in a relationship type way. Will someone please explain to me how he could love me last week and now he has not one feeling towards me? I’m done crying though…Even though he set me back to my high school days financially and in schooling, I will move on and get my life together for these kids. I’m just really sad and disappointed that someones parents could have such an impact on a grown man. I don’t know if he is blind to his real feelings or if he lied to me last week when he said he loved me. Either way, I have no choice but to move on. It’s true what they say, you can’t make someone love you…but then again, would you WANT to be with someone that you had to convince to be with you??? Praying I find a mature man that loves his mother but not more then me! I feel for you all.. tears are a waste of time, and so is a spouse who treats you like dirt.

]]> Comment on My husband told me last night that he did not love me anymore… by melissa http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2007/05/01/my-husband-told-me-last-night-that-he-did-not-love-me-anymore/#comment-4963 melissa Tue, 22 Nov 2011 03:00:18 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/2007/05/01/my-husband-told-me-last-night-that-he-did-not-love-me-anymore/#comment-4963 My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. In fact, we discussed renewing our vows at 10 years. We have 3 children together, all girls, ages 5,3,1. We planned the last child together. We haven't always had a great marriage, but about 3 years ago we started going back to church and it turned our whole marriage around. We went on dates and told each other everything. He was romantic and we had an amazing sex life. We loved our children and took them to the park together. Talk about having a marriage to be envied! For about the last 8 months, we had some financial trouble but we were surviving. Gradually, within the last 3 months, he stopped going to church, then making excuses why he couldn't. Then he started talking mean to me, calling me names, being cruel for no reason. I could not even talk to him. He physically abused me in front of our children... and verbally abused me all the time. More than once he kicked all of us out with no place to go... then would call and tell us to come home. Then, for about a month it just stopped. Things weren't back to great, but it was bearable and we began talking again. Then about 2 weeks ago he just didn't come home, he spent a week drinking and not coming home from work. He would spend time at the gym or at the bar. I was perplexed. I told him if he had another drink I would be gone... but of course I didn't keep my threat. He drank again twice since then. For the last few days it looked like he had made an attempt to be nice, he actually came home a few days after work, spoke civil to me... But then told me he didn't love me. I guess I should have seen this coming. What happened to the man that any woman would have loved to be married to? The last year of my life has been hell. For instance... he came in and said his clothes weren't dry, asked if the dryer was working right. I said maybe he just forgot to turn it on, that I have done that before. His exact words? "Shut the fuck up, I know if I turned the God damn dryer on, stupid cunt. Fucking tell me that." He kept on mumbling it as he walked down the hall. I just cried silently. What do I do? I have 3 small children, no job, and not enough money from his job to save anything... I want to move near my parents, but I need to find a job first. AND we are in the process of buying our first home! We close in a week. I wait on this man hand and foot and try to be loving and helpful. I am not perfect, but I don't talk to him this way. I don't stay gone for days on end. I can't tell his family or mine what is going on. I just don't know what to do. I am tired of lying and making excuses to everyone for him and why he's not at church or at family functions anymore. Any advice? My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. In fact, we discussed renewing our vows at 10 years. We have 3 children together, all girls, ages 5,3,1. We planned the last child together. We haven’t always had a great marriage, but about 3 years ago we started going back to church and it turned our whole marriage around. We went on dates and told each other everything. He was romantic and we had an amazing sex life. We loved our children and took them to the park together. Talk about having a marriage to be envied!
For about the last 8 months, we had some financial trouble but we were surviving. Gradually, within the last 3 months, he stopped going to church, then making excuses why he couldn’t. Then he started talking mean to me, calling me names, being cruel for no reason. I could not even talk to him. He physically abused me in front of our children… and verbally abused me all the time. More than once he kicked all of us out with no place to go… then would call and tell us to come home. Then, for about a month it just stopped. Things weren’t back to great, but it was bearable and we began talking again. Then about 2 weeks ago he just didn’t come home, he spent a week drinking and not coming home from work. He would spend time at the gym or at the bar. I was perplexed. I told him if he had another drink I would be gone… but of course I didn’t keep my threat. He drank again twice since then. For the last few days it looked like he had made an attempt to be nice, he actually came home a few days after work, spoke civil to me… But then told me he didn’t love me. I guess I should have seen this coming. What happened to the man that any woman would have loved to be married to? The last year of my life has been hell. For instance… he came in and said his clothes weren’t dry, asked if the dryer was working right. I said maybe he just forgot to turn it on, that I have done that before. His exact words? “Shut the fuck up, I know if I turned the God damn dryer on, stupid cunt. Fucking tell me that.” He kept on mumbling it as he walked down the hall. I just cried silently.
What do I do? I have 3 small children, no job, and not enough money from his job to save anything… I want to move near my parents, but I need to find a job first. AND we are in the process of buying our first home! We close in a week. I wait on this man hand and foot and try to be loving and helpful. I am not perfect, but I don’t talk to him this way. I don’t stay gone for days on end. I can’t tell his family or mine what is going on. I just don’t know what to do. I am tired of lying and making excuses to everyone for him and why he’s not at church or at family functions anymore. Any advice?

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