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Difficult Relationships
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If you want to navel gaze, think on these things….
02 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
Therapists often get a bad rap suggesting they lead clients to “navel gaze” or blame their parents. I have heard amusing tales of therapists who apparently sit and passively listen and offer random, affirming utterances.
You’ve probably seen the cartoons.
My own approach is eclectic, which, by the way, in the therapy world, is cool.
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Leadership
01 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
- Leadership and relationship are inseparable – any leader who is unable or unwilling to spend time and energy with the “least” of his or her employees or followers will ultimately fail. This phenomenon is often referred to as the “ivory tower.”
- Leadership that creates an “us” and a “them” within an organization will ultimately only be told what they want to hear. They will become so out of touch with their own organization that what the leaders think is happening will become unrecognizable from what is actually happening. This phenomenon is often graphically seen in so-called mega-churches.
- Leaders who regard leadership as a position of honor rather than a platform of service, and see their leadership position as a ticket to privilege rather than a gateway to empowering others, will ultimately become suspicious of those who see through their charade. This is often demonstrated in arrogant political figures.
- Leaders who regard their position as a function, who regard their undercharges with respect, who are willing to have their ideas shaped and challenged by any and everyone in an organization, are the most likely to foster healthy growth under their care. Such leadership is rare – and the leaders of such organizations often lead without much recognition.
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It all comes back even though I have forgiven
31 Jan 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“I have long since made a decision to forgive my boyfriend, fiancé, and then husband and the women for his very numerous affairs. I even know some of the women personally. I did this to move on. However, of late, if something triggers a memory of any affair, I get angry and the pain and humiliation and betrayal all return with the same reality I first suffered. I sometimes think I should just leave my husband. I have promised I will leave if he does this just one more time. But will I?”
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Is there ever a sane reason to stay with an alcoholic?
26 Jan 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
Reasons to stay – only 4/4 is sufficient reason to stay:
1. You want to stay in the relationship and you want to be married.
2. You have a support network outside of your immediate family where you can talk about anything you want to talk about.
3. The alcoholic has admitted he or she has a problem with alcohol and appears motivated to be rid of the disease.
4. He or she is committed to a legitimate recovery program and is part of a community of men and women who are ardently engaged in managing and beating the disease.Reasons to leave (1 out of 4 suffices):
1. You are exhausted with trying to keep life together and you no longer have the energy to sustain life for more than yourself and your children.
2. Your trust reserves are depleted and you no longer want to be married.
3. You are expected to lie for your spouse as a result of his or her drinking.
4. You are regularly subjected to abuse of any kind.
5. You and your children are subjected to excessive drinking and all that accompanies the life of a drunk. -
Your son will probably lie to you if you make telling the truth harder for him than it ought to be
21 Jan 2012 by Rod Smith / 1 Comment
“Please help me. My son (15) and I are fighting over a girl he wants to have as a girlfriend and I think he is too young to be seeing any girl. Now he says he will probably have to see her in secret. This is worrying me. We have always been very honest with each other and now I am sure he will be afraid to tell me the truth. By the way, he has no relationship with his father and it has always been just the two of us.”
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Verbal log-jam
When I was a boy I’d endlessly practice the fluent delivery of my name but it seldom flowed easily from my lips. As if it was new news to me, adults pointed out my stutter. Perhaps they thought I was beginning, at that precise moment, for the first time in my life to spit from the mouth, twist at the neck, jig my head back and forth trying to expel some inane statement log-jammed between my gut and my throat.
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Life in our beloved 122
If the inside of a house (outside, too, I suppose) is a metaphor of the lives of the people who live in it – which is something I once read somewhere – gosh, are we in trouble. Our house is a mess.
I consistently clean it room by room, thinking often of the legend that the Golden Gate Bridge that says there’s some guy constantly painting it. I feel for him. While I am sure the view is wonderful I must believe that the poor guy whose doing it daily from one end to the other must find the wind and the weather quite a challenge.
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Being a white South African can come with complications
Being a white South African reared under Apartheid is no simple matter. It permeated everything for me. While I do not pretend to have been a political activist, I was always cognizant that my privileges, simply a result of being born white, were unmerited, and most unfair especially when enjoyed at the expense of others who were not. I think this unsettling truth (for I took advantage of my station in life) was somewhat of a companion to me from the age of about six or seven.
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Location, location – remembering winter in August
We live very close to our school and church, so close we can hear the school bell from our kitchen and the church bells in my bedroom.
Sometimes we walk to both and we don’t see the car for days.
I like it. I like not having to get in and out of the car. I like not having to negotiate traffic, something as synonymous with life in the USA as Disney, Fast Food, and the Fourth of July.
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Ready to adopt?
If you wait until you are ready to adopt a child you never will because you will never be ready. The baby, and only the baby, will make you ready. Reading the right books will be helpful, but “ready” magically comes upon you when a real baby is sleeping in your arms or crying in the middle of the night. If you are not ready to change diapers – and I always am amused at the big deal about this non-issue – being unprepared will last only as long as a clean diaper.
Life inside the Smith household
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