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Blended families
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Planning a wedding?
12 Dec 2011 by Rod Smith / No Comments
A wedding in the family provides a snapshot view of the wellness and the challenges of any family. Here are a few suggestions if you have a wedding on the horizon:
It’s not YOUR wedding (bride and groom). It’s the merging of several tribes, communities, and cultures. The more you are able to include all of the immediate and extended families, the more healthy muscle you are building into your primary relationship.
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My son (14) comes home with horrific stories …..
07 Dec 2011 by Rod Smith / No Comments
My son (14) goes to his dad and comes back with horrific stories of his stepbrothers and sisters and their behavior. These children (older than my son) are teaching him things he’s never been exposed to and most of it around technology and games. He likes his visits but I am worried about what this is going to do to him. Do I intervene? (Extracted from a much longer letter)
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Marrying, with children?
06 Dec 2011 by Rod Smith / No Comments
The power of a second marriage, following a divorce or a death of a spouse, should not be underestimated in its power to dislodge or upset children. Even when the children appear to be in full agreement of what is happening, even if they have been thoroughly informed about the intentions and the events to come, the adults will be wise to appreciate that adjustments do not come easy.
Living between two biological parents (in the instance of a divorce) can be more difficult than living in two homes. Having two bedrooms in two different places can be unseating, while trying to
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Ten things to tell your children this weekend….
03 Nov 2011 by Rod Smith / No Comments
1. My mistakes do not have to become your mistakes.
2. Your success is up to you.
3. Honesty is more powerful than money but it is nice if you have both.
4. Chase no one for anything.
5. Apologize quickly when you know you are wrong.
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Did you search for and then find an unknown son, daughter, or parent?
18 Sep 2011 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“Help – I have a potentially difficult relationship on the way. A young man I know asked me to help find his dad he’s never known. Think I found him. It was an uncomfortable phone call, ‘Hello Sir, you may have a 30-year-old son you never knew about.’ The man is an executive, married, and has a son. Do you have any advice for me if this is a match and for trying to ease these two into a father-son relationship?” (Minimal edits)
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Verbal log-jam
When I was a boy I’d endlessly practice the fluent delivery of my name but it seldom flowed easily from my lips. As if it was new news to me, adults pointed out my stutter. Perhaps they thought I was beginning, at that precise moment, for the first time in my life to spit from the mouth, twist at the neck, jig my head back and forth trying to expel some inane statement log-jammed between my gut and my throat.
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Life in our beloved 122
If the inside of a house (outside, too, I suppose) is a metaphor of the lives of the people who live in it – which is something I once read somewhere – gosh, are we in trouble. Our house is a mess.
I consistently clean it room by room, thinking often of the legend that the Golden Gate Bridge that says there’s some guy constantly painting it. I feel for him. While I am sure the view is wonderful I must believe that the poor guy whose doing it daily from one end to the other must find the wind and the weather quite a challenge.
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Being a white South African can come with complications
Being a white South African reared under Apartheid is no simple matter. It permeated everything for me. While I do not pretend to have been a political activist, I was always cognizant that my privileges, simply a result of being born white, were unmerited, and most unfair especially when enjoyed at the expense of others who were not. I think this unsettling truth (for I took advantage of my station in life) was somewhat of a companion to me from the age of about six or seven.
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Location, location – remembering winter in August
We live very close to our school and church, so close we can hear the school bell from our kitchen and the church bells in my bedroom.
Sometimes we walk to both and we don’t see the car for days.
I like it. I like not having to get in and out of the car. I like not having to negotiate traffic, something as synonymous with life in the USA as Disney, Fast Food, and the Fourth of July.
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Ready to adopt?
If you wait until you are ready to adopt a child you never will because you will never be ready. The baby, and only the baby, will make you ready. Reading the right books will be helpful, but “ready” magically comes upon you when a real baby is sleeping in your arms or crying in the middle of the night. If you are not ready to change diapers – and I always am amused at the big deal about this non-issue – being unprepared will last only as long as a clean diaper.
Life inside the Smith household
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