http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2009/06/25/before-marrying-with-children/ Difficult Relationships - honest answers to relationship dilemmas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2009/06/25/before-marrying-with-children/#comment-3003 Rod E. Smith, MSMFT Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:42:50 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/?p=1967#comment-3003 Unfortunately, you cannot put and older, wiser head, on younger less experienced shoulders. Any attempts to separate your adult daughter from new-found, older love, will unleash powerful resistance and reinforce the relationship. Perceived persecution intensifies “love.” When the weekend comes, focus completely on your own behavior, not hers, or his. Once you have met him, I’d suggest you take time and allow her to hear all your well-thought-out concerns. Then, as you will have to do anyway, offer her your love and leave it all up to her. Unfortunately, you cannot put and older, wiser head, on younger less experienced shoulders. Any attempts to separate your adult daughter from new-found, older love, will unleash powerful resistance and reinforce the relationship. Perceived persecution intensifies “love.” When the weekend comes, focus completely on your own behavior, not hers, or his. Once you have met him, I’d suggest you take time and allow her to hear all your well-thought-out concerns. Then, as you will have to do anyway, offer her your love and leave it all up to her.

]]> http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2009/06/25/before-marrying-with-children/#comment-3002 Roger Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:48:13 +0000 http://rodesmith.com/?p=1967#comment-3002 I am the father with a 20 yr. old daughter who is working out of state at a summer job. Recently she contacted her mother and me about coming home for a weekend and asked if she could bring her "boyfriend". This guy is not a "boy" friend by any means... he is 30 yrs. old and the divorced father of two young girls. My daughter is coming off a two-year relationship that ended badly with her then beau cheating on her and some other issues that she will not share with me. This broken relationship made her very unhappy and I believe depressed. She now claims to be the happiest she's ever been and wants her her mother and me to meet him. Perhaps I've lived too many years, but all I can see are red flags. Believe me, I want her to be happy, but I just can't welcome this guy into our home in good conscience. It pains me to admit this about my daughter, but she has rarely finishes anything she has started, we paid for 1.5 years of college where several classes were dropped and never completed. She wanted to get an online certification for pre-school teachers and she has not completed that and I seriously doubt she will. My gut tells me she's looking for a way to transition from living at home to finding someone else to take care of her. I don't want to alienate my daughter, but I can't support the course she is considering either. I am the father with a 20 yr. old daughter who is working out of state at a summer job. Recently she contacted her mother and me about coming home for a weekend and asked if she could bring her “boyfriend”. This guy is not a “boy” friend by any means… he is 30 yrs. old and the divorced father of two young girls. My daughter is coming off a two-year relationship that ended badly with her then beau cheating on her and some other issues that she will not share with me. This broken relationship made her very unhappy and I believe depressed. She now claims to be the happiest she’s ever been and wants her her mother and me to meet him. Perhaps I’ve lived too many years, but all I can see are red flags. Believe me, I want her to be happy, but I just can’t welcome this guy into our home in good conscience. It pains me to admit this about my daughter, but she has rarely finishes anything she has started, we paid for 1.5 years of college where several classes were dropped and never completed. She wanted to get an online certification for pre-school teachers and she has not completed that and I seriously doubt she will. My gut tells me she’s looking for a way to transition from living at home to finding someone else to take care of her. I don’t want to alienate my daughter, but I can’t support the course she is considering either.

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