Comments on: Difficult wife… I am staying for the children… http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/ Difficult Relationships - honest answers to relationship dilemmas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Quasem http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-943 Quasem Mon, 09 May 2011 19:21:50 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-943 I do not want to add another story to all of the above. But I wish someone would give me any suggestion as to how to handle such troublesome wife. I do not want to be strong to ride it out any longer. I do not want a divorce either. In both the cases, the kids will end up suffering emotionally. It is not their fault. Such wives do not go for counseling either, I guess. I would really appreciate some advice of dealing with such wife. Please, talking to her does not work. So avoid that...already tried it over hundred times over a course of 14 years. Thanks. I do not want to add another story to all of the above. But I wish someone would give me any suggestion as to how to handle such troublesome wife. I do not want to be strong to ride it out any longer. I do not want a divorce either. In both the cases, the kids will end up suffering emotionally. It is not their fault. Such wives do not go for counseling either, I guess. I would really appreciate some advice of dealing with such wife. Please, talking to her does not work. So avoid that…already tried it over hundred times over a course of 14 years. Thanks.

]]> By: Alem http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-942 Alem Mon, 18 Apr 2011 19:44:56 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-942 I am living with a wife whom I hate most in my life. This is just thinking what may happen to my 2 kids if i devorce. I wish I devorce, the problem is, the law supports the kids have to be with the mother untill they are able to consciously choose with whom to live. Unfortunately she is such a lady that could not even manage her self. Hence I am burning for the sake of my kids. I pray to God to give me the power to maintain my patience untill the kids consciosly manage them self. I am living with a wife whom I hate most in my life. This is just thinking what may happen to my 2 kids if i devorce. I wish I devorce, the problem is, the law supports the kids have to be with the mother untill they are able to consciously choose with whom to live. Unfortunately she is such a lady that could not even manage her self. Hence I am burning for the sake of my kids.

I pray to God to give me the power to maintain my patience untill the kids consciosly manage them self.

]]> By: Poldark http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-941 Poldark Thu, 09 Dec 2010 21:29:30 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-941 The posts here are so familiar it hurts. I have 12-year-old son and am staying in a non-marriage for his sake. She had an affair with a guy who has a history of abuse and I have stayed in the marriage just to prevent this guy from becoming my son's father.My wife rarely does anything untoward in front of him, but the moment he leaves to go to school anything is possible. She is a perpetual victim. The other day, someone came to collect a bill she had left unpaid for five years. She had recently taken an expensive vacation and he got wind of it and demanded to be paid. She ws furious and demanded that I tell him to go away--even though she has a large bank account! She spent the next week telling everyone that I refused to defend her. Unlike with many of you, she has many needy friends who bolster her constantly. There is no behavior that they won't help her justify. She spends 8 hours a day on the internet and the telephone talking to people with relationship problems all over North America,complaining and moaning about the slightest problem.The other day she told one of her followers that since she failed to answer a text message instantly, but instead took two hours, she was not fit to be one of her friends. If she makes a promise, she forgets it. If she can find a way to interpret anything I've said as a promise, she holds me to it as though I have really made a promise--then calls her friends to blacken my reputation. She will sit quietly all day and wait for the pharmacy to close, then try to blast me for not noticing the empty pill container she left somewhere. The other day she told me that she wanted to divorce me, but still have me live at home and pay the bills--that way I woudn't cramp her style with available men. I told her to go ahead--and we'd sell the house as well and split custody. That scared her pretty badly, but the sense of entitlement is monstrous. She thought I might go for it! I have a calendar at home counting down the days to my son's 18th birthday. I pray I can hold out until then. Thanks to everyone for sharing their (horror) stories. The posts here are so familiar it hurts. I have 12-year-old son and am staying in a non-marriage for his sake. She had an affair with a guy who has a history of abuse and I have stayed in the marriage just to prevent this guy from becoming my son’s father.My wife rarely does anything untoward in front of him, but the moment he leaves to go to school anything is possible.

She is a perpetual victim. The other day, someone came to collect a bill she had left unpaid for five years. She had recently taken an expensive vacation and he got wind of it and demanded to be paid. She ws furious and demanded that I tell him to go away–even though she has a large bank account! She spent the next week telling everyone that I refused to defend her.

Unlike with many of you, she has many needy friends who bolster her constantly. There is no behavior that they won’t help her justify. She spends 8 hours a day on the internet and the telephone talking to people with relationship problems all over North America,complaining and moaning about the slightest problem.The other day she told one of her followers that since she failed to answer a text message instantly, but instead took two hours, she was not fit to be one of her friends.

If she makes a promise, she forgets it. If she can find a way to interpret anything I’ve said as a promise, she holds me to it as though I have really made a promise–then calls her friends to blacken my reputation.

She will sit quietly all day and wait for the pharmacy to close, then try to blast me for not noticing the empty pill container she left somewhere.

The other day she told me that she wanted to divorce me, but still have me live at home and pay the bills–that way I woudn’t cramp her style with available men. I told her to go ahead–and we’d sell the house as well and split custody. That scared her pretty badly, but the sense of entitlement is monstrous. She thought I might go for it!

I have a calendar at home counting down the days to my son’s 18th birthday. I pray I can hold out until then.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their (horror) stories.

]]> By: experiencer http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-940 experiencer Tue, 27 Jul 2010 23:53:31 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-940 Stay away from people who give nothing. Sorry im very harsh with that, but in reality, stay away from people who give only crap Look for quality relationships Stay away from people who give nothing.

Sorry im very harsh with that, but in reality, stay away from people who give only crap

Look for quality relationships

]]> By: Wilson http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-939 Wilson Sun, 25 Jul 2010 23:42:51 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-939 count me in, I expect this to pile up, this is modest a world record wound not surprise me for the replies on this Mine, keep tabs, keep counting on anything to argue about anything to show that she is better, but is not even if im good to her she still has something to say about it, leading to an arguement its seems that everything bout her is superficial which i now realized its so damn hard to be with a difficult person, Any Way You Look At It, that is hard + difficult yep Ted youre right stay strong count me in, I expect this to pile up, this is modest
a world record wound not surprise me for the replies on this

Mine, keep tabs, keep counting on anything to argue about
anything to show that she is better, but is not

even if im good to her she still has something to say about it, leading to an arguement

its seems that everything bout her is superficial which i now realized

its so damn hard to be with a difficult person, Any Way You Look At It, that is hard + difficult

yep Ted youre right stay strong

]]> By: M from Singapore http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-938 M from Singapore Sun, 09 May 2010 13:50:00 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-938 Oh good God Rob you jave just taken all that was in my heart and put it to words. I have been married coming to 11 years and I have two lovely daughters. My eldest is 8 and I know she feels terrible when my wife and I are not getting on well. Today was mothers day and so we all went to a lovely restaurant and we had a really fabulous dinner with our domestic helper in tow. When we were done we walked over to McCafe for milkshake that my eldest wanted and two ice creams and a coffee for me. We sat there whilst mom left us and rushed into Mango because it was on SALE. It took us about half an hour to get through things, anyone who has had a three year old and ice cream will know this. So we got up still with no sight of Mom so we walked 50 m to the CD store next door. And just then my phone range and she goes ape shit telling me that I don't care and that I only think of myself and on and on. It gets to the point I am yelling in the street on my phone and finally I hang up because after the first three times she hangs up on me and tells me to head home with the kids and maid without her I really have lost it about now. She rakes up the past on how I had an affair with my sister in law coming to 4 years ago. And I just refuse to go down that avenue with her anymore. I admit I did have the affair and was caught but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My career was good, I was home all the time we each had our respective duties and we just used to meet and walk and talk alot. I was lonely. This is my wife's daily routine, wake up at 10 am, the maid has sent the kids to school, I have run the dog, some days wash both cars, had breakfast with the kids and bathed changed and gone to work. She goes into her business that she runs at 12 pm and ends her day at 10 pm because there always is that one more customer to attend to (she is a hairstylist). I am done with work by 6.30 pm and usually head home if not I am at the gym which is across the pool from my house (we are talking 100m) all in the same compound. I really felt miserable, I had not had dinner and conversation in years and I had not been to a movie (an adult one) in the longest time. I wasn't even on the prowl at the bars because she doesn't even like me having a happy hour drink before coming home. My sister in law was bored, young and knew exactly what my wifes character was. Well it didn't hurt to have someone to go to the museum with, or catch the play or yoga or evening run on the beach. And dinner with, mind you no one knew for years as both of us were always home before 830 pm. Well long story short, we were found out, my work, health, career and bank account sufferred. I have since given her everything I own, my three houses, money to start and grow her business and mind you by Singapore standards I am considered preety OK. I am now jobless for the last one and half years, reeling from the daily abuse and just living off my past investments and still paying for the bulk of expenses in the house and a little beyond. She wonders how I still can keep up I guess. Having lost a $200k salary and teaching part time, being contractor to certain organisations and running my own small consultancy. She is on about $180k and I guess she is pissed off that I still can hold my own even after how my career got destroyed because I couldn't take the abuse at home. By the way she was a $20k a year shampoo girl when I met her. I have no more friends and I am so miserable. I love my daughters so much and every day my domestic looks at me in disbelief as I continue to take the abuse. Maybe someday I will just drop dead, it seems such a peaceful alternative. Oh good God Rob you jave just taken all that was in my heart and put it to words. I have been married coming to 11 years and I have two lovely daughters. My eldest is 8 and I know she feels terrible when my wife and I are not getting on well.

Today was mothers day and so we all went to a lovely restaurant and we had a really fabulous dinner with our domestic helper in tow. When we were done we walked over to McCafe for milkshake that my eldest wanted and two ice creams and a coffee for me. We sat there whilst mom left us and rushed into Mango because it was on SALE. It took us about half an hour to get through things, anyone who has had a three year old and ice cream will know this. So we got up still with no sight of Mom so we walked 50 m to the CD store next door. And just then my phone range and she goes ape shit telling me that I don’t care and that I only think of myself and on and on. It gets to the point I am yelling in the street on my phone and finally I hang up because after the first three times she hangs up on me and tells me to head home with the kids and maid without her I really have lost it about now.

She rakes up the past on how I had an affair with my sister in law coming to 4 years ago. And I just refuse to go down that avenue with her anymore.

I admit I did have the affair and was caught but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My career was good, I was home all the time we each had our respective duties and we just used to meet and walk and talk alot. I was lonely.

This is my wife’s daily routine, wake up at 10 am, the maid has sent the kids to school, I have run the dog, some days wash both cars, had breakfast with the kids and bathed changed and gone to work. She goes into her business that she runs at 12 pm and ends her day at 10 pm because there always is that one more customer to attend to (she is a hairstylist).

I am done with work by 6.30 pm and usually head home if not I am at the gym which is across the pool from my house (we are talking 100m) all in the same compound.

I really felt miserable, I had not had dinner and conversation in years and I had not been to a movie (an adult one) in the longest time. I wasn’t even on the prowl at the bars because she doesn’t even like me having a happy hour drink before coming home. My sister in law was bored, young and knew exactly what my wifes character was. Well it didn’t hurt to have someone to go to the museum with, or catch the play or yoga or evening run on the beach. And dinner with, mind you no one knew for years as both of us were always home before 830 pm.

Well long story short, we were found out, my work, health, career and bank account sufferred. I have since given her everything I own, my three houses, money to start and grow her business and mind you by Singapore standards I am considered preety OK. I am now jobless for the last one and half years, reeling from the daily abuse and just living off my past investments and still paying for the bulk of expenses in the house and a little beyond. She wonders how I still can keep up I guess. Having lost a $200k salary and teaching part time, being contractor to certain organisations and running my own small consultancy.

She is on about $180k and I guess she is pissed off that I still can hold my own even after how my career got destroyed because I couldn’t take the abuse at home. By the way she was a $20k a year shampoo girl when I met her.

I have no more friends and I am so miserable. I love my daughters so much and every day my domestic looks at me in disbelief as I continue to take the abuse.

Maybe someday I will just drop dead, it seems such a peaceful alternative.

]]> By: Ted http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-937 Ted Mon, 26 Apr 2010 17:52:55 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-937 I just want first say WOW! My wife is very similar to most of the husbands and ex-husbands here. I just wanted to add that my wife is an attractive lady that looks like she wouldn't hurt a bug so when I even attempt to tell someone what I am going through, the first thing they want to do is tell me what I am doing wrong. It's so frustrating! This is the first time I expressed myself in years because I couldn't find anyone that could relate or understand. By the way, Ive been married for 12 years and have two school age children. I sleep in the basement by choice because I started to realize that she was using sex as a tool to get me to ignore her terrible ways. There are moments when I think we have a chance and before you know it, she is back to her old ways. She rarely cooks or clean. I used to think it was me but she doesn't even cook for our children and she is a great cook. I told her if she wasn't happy that she could leave but the children are staying with me. Needless to say she is still around doing the same things. Our relationship appears to be better but that's only because I refuse to allow her to steal my peace and joy! I'm trying to do right by God and stick this thing out but I see my self taking a lot of personal business trips without her once the kids are grown. I feel better just knowing I'm not crazy and there are men in similar situations. Stay strong...men! I just want first say WOW! My wife is very similar to most of the husbands and ex-husbands here. I just wanted to add that my wife is an attractive lady that looks like she wouldn’t hurt a bug so when I even attempt to tell someone what I am going through, the first thing they want to do is tell me what I am doing wrong. It’s so frustrating! This is the first time I expressed myself in years because I couldn’t find anyone that could relate or understand. By the way, Ive been married for 12 years and have two school age children. I sleep in the basement by choice because I started to realize that she was using sex as a tool to get me to ignore her terrible ways. There are moments when I think we have a chance and before you know it, she is back to her old ways. She rarely cooks or clean. I used to think it was me but she doesn’t even cook for our children and she is a great cook. I told her if she wasn’t happy that she could leave but the children are staying with me. Needless to say she is still around doing the same things. Our relationship appears to be better but that’s only because I refuse to allow her to steal my peace and joy! I’m trying to do right by God and stick this thing out but I see my self taking a lot of personal business trips without her once the kids are grown. I feel better just knowing I’m not crazy and there are men in similar situations. Stay strong…men!

]]> By: John http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-936 John Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:32:12 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-936 1. it just take a "Bart Simpson" to blow Homers top, one bite on the cake is all it takes to spoil it. one mark on a plain white wall to spoil it 2. before one suffer in this abyss of being with a difficult person, all the signs are there, just have to be alert , before the wake up call 3. dont let anyone take away your joy, aliveness, oneself included 1. it just take a “Bart Simpson” to blow Homers top, one bite on the cake is all it takes to spoil it. one mark on a plain white wall to spoil it

2. before one suffer in this abyss of being with a difficult person, all the signs are there, just have to be alert , before the wake up call

3. dont let anyone take away your joy, aliveness, oneself included

]]> By: thehappyparent http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-935 thehappyparent Thu, 28 Jan 2010 19:08:16 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-935 I stayed in my unfulfilling marriage for 20 years for the sake of my children and I know I made the right decision. Let me encourage you to keep your focus on your children since you will reap the reward for your sacrifice and perseverance in seeing them grow into beautiful people. I have just written a book which you may find very helpful which is called "How To Be A Good Parent In a Bad Marriage - and find true fulfilment in loving your child". I wouldn't expect you to commit to purchasing the book without knowing what to expect, so you can read a couple of articles that I've written at ezinearticles.com http://bit.ly/cy3oaT If you want to contact me for any further advice or support you can find me here http://thehappyparent.wordpress.com or email me thehappyparent@gmail.com I stayed in my unfulfilling marriage for 20 years for the sake of my children and I know I made the right decision. Let me encourage you to keep your focus on your children since you will reap the reward for your sacrifice and perseverance in seeing them grow into beautiful people.

I have just written a book which you may find very helpful which is called “How To Be A Good Parent In a Bad Marriage – and find true fulfilment in loving your child”. I wouldn’t expect you to commit to purchasing the book without knowing what to expect, so you can read a couple of articles that I’ve written at ezinearticles.com http://bit.ly/cy3oaT

If you want to contact me for any further advice or support you can find me here http://thehappyparent.wordpress.com or email me thehappyparent@gmail.com

]]> By: BENTLEY http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-934 BENTLEY Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:56:23 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/10/12/difficult-wife-i-am-staying-for-the-children/#comment-934 I am in similar , situation i was married for 5 , before we got marry my wife was so nice to me she bought me everything and anything i wants , as soon as we get marry everything changes. I really taught she was a wife material but unfortunately it does not seems to me like she is . i clean the house , do the laundry , buy her roses , take very good care of our 4 kids after i come home from work , and when she have to work on weekends . she have a dont care mind , i usually be the one always sees what is rong within the marriage , she always want to be in control , and when i put my feet down , she usually say that i want to controal her , i am so thired of this marriage , its is crumbeling my health , the only reason i still in this mariage is because of my children . i dont want to walk out on her , because i know i will suffer financially . she will definately take me to court for child support , like she did before we got marry . i look past that , marry her only for the sake of our children . my mother dont know about this at all , if she did know about the child support situation she would have stop the marriage . please if anyone have any suggestion on how i should dealth with this situation please send me some respond at bent9921065@yahoo.com . thanks and god bless. I am in similar , situation i was married for 5 , before we got marry my wife was so nice to me she bought me everything and anything i wants , as soon as we get marry everything changes. I really taught she was a wife material but unfortunately it does not seems to me like she is . i clean the house , do the laundry , buy her roses , take very good care of our 4 kids after i come home from work , and when she have to work on weekends . she have a dont care mind , i usually be the one always sees what is rong within the marriage , she always want to be in control , and when i put my feet down , she usually say that i want to controal her , i am so thired of this marriage , its is crumbeling my health , the only reason i still in this mariage is because of my children . i dont want to walk out on her , because i know i will suffer financially . she will definately take me to court for child support , like she did before we got marry . i look past that , marry her only for the sake of our children . my mother dont know about this at all , if she did know about the child support situation she would have stop the marriage . please if anyone have any suggestion on how i should dealth with this situation please send me some respond at bent9921065@yahoo.com . thanks and god bless.

]]>