Comments on: Symptoms of a Difficult Relationship http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/ Difficult Relationships - honest answers to relationship dilemmas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Rod Smith http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-3774 Rod Smith Sat, 23 Jul 2011 11:35:06 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-3774 The kind of journey you want must be embarked upon and taken alone. While the differentiation of self is not something that you can do together, or that you can even help each other with, it does not mean that you cannot make steps to grow at the same time. It’s your “togetherness” that is the feeding ground for the unique relational difficulties you each have, and so apart-ness or space (and I don’t mean separating) is required for growth to occur. Call me – I’d love to talk with you and assist you to explore this issue. The kind of journey you want must be embarked upon and taken alone. While the differentiation of self is not something that you can do together, or that you can even help each other with, it does not mean that you cannot make steps to grow at the same time. It’s your “togetherness” that is the feeding ground for the unique relational difficulties you each have, and so apart-ness or space (and I don’t mean separating) is required for growth to occur. Call me – I’d love to talk with you and assist you to explore this issue.

]]> By: may http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-3767 may Sat, 23 Jul 2011 07:24:21 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-3767 is it horrible if i can see traits within the 26 points that are descriptive of both Myself AND my Boyfriend? My relationship has NEVER been easy, and although we love each-other, sometimes it feels like it would be better for each of us if we were apart. I am afraid that we Abuse each-other (non-physically) without wanting to. does that make sense? we BOTH want to Change for the betterment of our relationship, and we BOTH can see the harm we are doing to ourselves and each-other, how do we move past it and actually CHANGE together? I know that i possess some of the trait listed, just as i can see traits He possess within the list as well. it isn't a clear black and white situation, we both make mistakes...how do me move past these things and help each-other and ourselves be BETTER people and make our relationship work? is it horrible if i can see traits within the 26 points that are descriptive of both Myself AND my Boyfriend?

My relationship has NEVER been easy, and although we love each-other, sometimes it feels like it would be better for each of us if we were apart. I am afraid that we Abuse each-other (non-physically) without wanting to. does that make sense?

we BOTH want to Change for the betterment of our relationship, and we BOTH can see the harm we are doing to ourselves and each-other, how do we move past it and actually CHANGE together? I know that i possess some of the trait listed, just as i can see traits He possess within the list as well. it isn’t a clear black and white situation, we both make mistakes…how do me move past these things and help each-other and ourselves be BETTER people and make our relationship work?

]]> By: UG http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-828 UG Sat, 04 Jun 2011 17:46:22 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-828 Help!!! HIi, was was married 2 years back and had a very difficult relation, he used to hit me badly wen ever we used to start arguing and later tell me that he hit me just coz I shouted at him, though he asked to shut my mouth and we had many more issues, I tried to fix them up, but it all went in vein that it was only that i went in for depreesion. and atlast i decided to leave him and my familt supported me. In the mean time one of my collegue who was a divorsee then , proposed me and started being too good and he made things happen so fast that he hooked me and made me get the divorse and wants me to get married to him. But the issue is he is too tempermental and he doesnt match me emotionally and he is not able to occupy me emotionally and he is little more for sex. And the major point am worried is that he has never spend t for me and since am in a far higher level than hhim economically he always only makes me to spend. He didnt even get me a small gift for my first birthday with him. and I have a fear that guys shld spend for gils and its so agonising to see him make me spend for him, though I do spend with out even telling a word, only for the raeson not to hurt him. But he says ofetn and I do realise that he has faced a lot of lonelines and he knows and understand the importance of wife. Now am really wrried that I cann ot take a cahnce of marrying a wrong person again second time in my life. Life isnt a game. Am too worried and if i decide to leave him am notsure how shld I leave him coz he has made all the arrangements for our wedding. Help!!!
HIi, was was married 2 years back and had a very difficult relation, he used to hit me badly wen ever we used to start arguing and later tell me that he hit me just coz I shouted at him, though he asked to shut my mouth and we had many more issues, I tried to fix them up, but it all went in vein that it was only that i went in for depreesion. and atlast i decided to leave him and my familt supported me. In the mean time one of my collegue who was a divorsee then , proposed me and started being too good and he made things happen so fast that he hooked me and made me get the divorse and wants me to get married to him. But the issue is he is too tempermental and he doesnt match me emotionally and he is not able to occupy me emotionally and he is little more for sex. And the major point am worried is that he has never spend t for me and since am in a far higher level than hhim economically he always only makes me to spend. He didnt even get me a small gift for my first birthday with him. and I have a fear that guys shld spend for gils and its so agonising to see him make me spend for him, though I do spend with out even telling a word, only for the raeson not to hurt him. But he says ofetn and I do realise that he has faced a lot of lonelines and he knows and understand the importance of wife. Now am really wrried that I cann ot take a cahnce of marrying a wrong person again second time in my life. Life isnt a game. Am too worried and if i decide to leave him am notsure how shld I leave him coz he has made all the arrangements for our wedding.

]]> By: rachel http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-827 rachel Sat, 30 Apr 2011 04:31:01 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-827 panomo malalaman kung mahal kapang isang tao panomo malalaman kung mahal kapang isang tao

]]> By: G http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-826 G Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:04:31 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-826 Hi, I actually had tears reading what Sarah has described above. Its a very old post and i am not sure if she will ever read this. Your post has helped me think about the conflict in my head about leave or not leave. I am 28, married for 6 years now. the difference is we have no kids. the points above were like - how does the writer know so much about our relationship.????..!!!! I left for a few months but some pressures got me back...I am here now, Because the constant "i really love u" from him has just trapped me. i want to leave but the sudden good behaviour from him is making me think what if he has really changed... Though i feel its not the real him - he says he will change and his life is nothing without me. he will be ruined. I have this guilt of hurting him now. he even starts crying if i say i am not happy and we should think of seperating. he is trying hard, loving me, mot restricting me with the things he used to. but still we face the situation where are quiet to avoid conflict and fights. oh these 26 points are my life..!! great help great insight Hi, I actually had tears reading what Sarah has described above. Its a very old post and i am not sure if she will ever read this. Your post has helped me think about the conflict in my head about leave or not leave.

I am 28, married for 6 years now. the difference is we have no kids.
the points above were like – how does the writer know so much about our relationship.????..!!!!
I left for a few months but some pressures got me back…I am here now, Because the constant “i really love u” from him has just trapped me. i want to leave but the sudden good behaviour from him is making me think what if he has really changed… Though i feel its not the real him – he says he will change and his life is nothing without me. he will be ruined. I have this guilt of hurting him now. he even starts crying if i say i am not happy and we should think of seperating.

he is trying hard, loving me, mot restricting me with the things he used to. but still we face the situation where are quiet to avoid conflict and fights.

oh these 26 points are my life..!!
great help
great insight

]]> By: Ashley http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-825 Ashley Thu, 03 Mar 2011 05:08:43 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-825 I never knew that I could adopt some of these "criteria" indirectly. Most just thought I was a skeptic or a pessimist, always looking for the negative in that happy couple, but really I'm the child caught between a troubled relationship of this magnitude. It's so easy to see around you, but it's almost impossible to analyze your own life. I used to sit back and wonder how she falls for his manipulative tricks, how he twists rhetoric, how he finds the pressure points. But once he tried the same on me, turned my world upside down, mentally pinned me against the wall, I could finally see. You see, the only way to persuade a lie is to believe it--all he can remember are lies. To disturb them, to shake their foundations, to contradict his rhetoric, his stories, is to throw his universe off balance, and his rage ripples out in waves until all is under control again. How can I get out if he can never see the truth, if the only thing keeping him alive are his lies? The tension is so great that if it snaps, his whole universe might cave in, sucking in everyone who has sworn allegiance to such a delusional captain, leaving no survivors as the ship sinks, carrying with it the coffin buoy that should have saved one. I never knew that I could adopt some of these “criteria” indirectly. Most just thought I was a skeptic or a pessimist, always looking for the negative in that happy couple, but really I’m the child caught between a troubled relationship of this magnitude. It’s so easy to see around you, but it’s almost impossible to analyze your own life. I used to sit back and wonder how she falls for his manipulative tricks, how he twists rhetoric, how he finds the pressure points. But once he tried the same on me, turned my world upside down, mentally pinned me against the wall, I could finally see. You see, the only way to persuade a lie is to believe it–all he can remember are lies. To disturb them, to shake their foundations, to contradict his rhetoric, his stories, is to throw his universe off balance, and his rage ripples out in waves until all is under control again. How can I get out if he can never see the truth, if the only thing keeping him alive are his lies? The tension is so great that if it snaps, his whole universe might cave in, sucking in everyone who has sworn allegiance to such a delusional captain, leaving no survivors as the ship sinks, carrying with it the coffin buoy that should have saved one.

]]> By: Non-Sleeping Devil http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-824 Non-Sleeping Devil Thu, 29 Apr 2010 02:57:23 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-824 Help. I havent been sleeping or eating lately. and i have felt nausiated for days. Im 11 and a female. And i'm pretty sure something is seriously wrong with me. Please help. I wake up in the morning and i fall back asleep for another half an hour. Then i get up, but im not hungry. So i do the only thing i can think of. I stuff myself. Please wright me back. I need help. I have went threw alot of heartbreaks also, but i dont think that has anything to do with it. But me not sleeping makes me more violent. Which gets me into fights that I can't win because of my sleep loss. So please wright me back. I'm begging. Help. I havent been sleeping or eating lately. and i have felt nausiated for days. Im 11 and a female. And i’m pretty sure something is seriously wrong with me. Please help. I wake up in the morning and i fall back asleep for another half an hour. Then i get up, but im not hungry. So i do the only thing i can think of. I stuff myself. Please wright me back. I need help. I have went threw alot of heartbreaks also, but i dont think that has anything to do with it. But me not sleeping makes me more violent. Which gets me into fights that I can’t win because of my sleep loss. So please wright me back. I’m begging.

]]> By: Fed up http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-823 Fed up Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:40:36 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-823 Can one not help being self-absorbed? I feel my husband is very self-absorbed.When he wants to do or say something he just goes ahead.He does not think of the feelings of others especially mine. If he has an appointment with someone or if someone has an appointment with him he does not make an effort to be ready on time.His attitude is they/you/he can wait because i am busy.It upsets me alot.I tell him that is not how people should be treated and he treats me the same way.He gets very upset and says he is fed-up with my verbal abuse and he is not perfect like me.He will not talk to me for days and treat me as if i am wrong.He will never ever say sorry and will remain like that until i go to him and apologise.But i can' do this anymore . Also he takes me for granted and does not feel the need to make an effort to make me feel special.I know he is not the romantic type.I dont want flowers and expensive gifts.He says he does not know about all this romantic stuff.So i show him.I slip in a message in his lunch.When i go to the supermarket i sometimes buy him a chocolate and put it on his pillow.I send him love smss which i found on the net and saved on his computer.But he is not interested.One thing i do know is that he is faithful.Am i being ungrateful and petty?Should i just be happy that he is not cheating on me and disregard the fact that he does not care..I am so fed up.I don't feel like trying anymore.He also said i am fighting for something i will never get. Can one not help being self-absorbed?
I feel my husband is very self-absorbed.When he wants to do or say something he just goes ahead.He does not think of the feelings of others especially mine.
If he has an appointment with someone or if someone has an appointment with him he does not make an effort to be ready on time.His attitude is they/you/he can wait because i am busy.It upsets me alot.I tell him that is not how people should be treated and he treats me the same way.He gets very upset and says he is fed-up with my verbal abuse and he is not perfect like me.He will not talk to me for days and treat me as if i am wrong.He will never ever say sorry and will remain like that until i go to him and apologise.But i can’ do this anymore
.
Also he takes me for granted and does not feel the need to make an effort to make me feel special.I know he is not the romantic type.I dont want flowers and expensive gifts.He says he does not know about all this romantic stuff.So i show him.I slip in a message in his lunch.When i go to the supermarket i sometimes buy him a chocolate and put it on his pillow.I send him love smss which i found on the net and saved on his computer.But he is not interested.One thing i do know is that he is faithful.Am i being ungrateful and petty?Should i just be happy that he is not cheating on me and disregard the fact that he does not care..I am so fed up.I don’t feel like trying anymore.He also said i am fighting for something i will never get.

]]> By: TM http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-822 TM Sat, 24 Apr 2010 01:04:07 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-822 I am 22-years-old. I have been in a relationship for four years. I do not trust my boyfriend. He lies and he's very sneaky. When he knows it's his fault he tries to do and say everything there is to cover up and make it seem like it's all my fault. I'm just so tired of him. I'm ready to leave but he always says please don't leave. I'm just tired and too young to be going through what I do. Someone help me on advice what to do. Thank you. I am 22-years-old. I have been in a relationship for four years. I do not trust my boyfriend. He lies and he’s very sneaky. When he knows it’s his fault he tries to do and say everything there is to cover up and make it seem like it’s all my fault. I’m just so tired of him. I’m ready to leave but he always says please don’t leave. I’m just tired and too young to be going through what I do. Someone help me on advice what to do. Thank you.

]]> By: Troubled 2 http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-821 Troubled 2 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:06:42 +0000 https://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/07/26/symptoms-of-a-difficult-relationship/#comment-821 I did not realise that there was someone else called Trouble seeking advice so I have changed my name to trouble 2 I'm the 23 year old looking for desperate need of advice.... I did not realise that there was someone else called Trouble seeking advice so I have changed my name to trouble 2

I’m the 23 year old looking for desperate need of advice….

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