Comments on: I am attracted to a married man…

By: lc

lc — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 21:28:42 +0000

I’m 43 years old and divorced with a child. I’ve been attracted to this man for over a year. We both work in the same place. I speak to him by saying “hi” or “good morning.” I don’t chase him I just look at him and walk on. Sometimes I catch him looking in my direction and he smiles at me. Why am I always attracted to the wrong kind of men especially married ones? Since my divorce I haven’t had much luck with men. I don’t go out I just stay home. Maybe someday I’ll find someone. Right now I’m just letting time takes its course.

By: Shantilly Lace

Shantilly Lace — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:27:44 +0000

He is married; he is white: he is adorable; and I want him in my life. Because we work for the same organization it will probably never happen. I don’t feel good enough about myself with any man—I’m too fat, etc. but he might not care about that. Oh well, hopefully this flame will die soon so that I can get him off of my mind.

By: petal

petal — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 12:04:06 +0000

i read all the posts above and want to now share my own situation. I was married once but got divorced as my ex husband was a control freak. Later I fell in love with a single guy and our relationship lasted for 3 years. He broke up with me citing that he is attracted to other women. I was very depressed and tried gymming etc to come out of depression. Post 6 months of gymming I started looking quite attractive and many single and married men started hitting on me. I was so disgusted with married men hitting on me. Since I had known how it feels when someone cheats somebody I vowed I will never break a relationship. I was also not attracted to dozens of men who were swarming around me. Then I went to a arty and met this very interesting intense guy and started chatting. Since he was also showing interest in me, I felt great. After an hour of chatting I came to know he was married . I was disheartened but we exchanged email ids and he pinged me next day. I could not control myself and replied. He told me he went through an arrange marriage route (he is Indian) and he was just 23 when he was forced to marry. I was very attracted to him (being celibate for 9 months, this was the fist guy who turned me on) and found he too was. but then we both kind of agreed that there is no future of this relationship and he wil never divorce his wife (even though she doesn’t care too much for him) and we have decided to keep it at emotional level-as friends……………but it is very difficult and I hate this system.

By: Candace

Candace — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:45:35 +0000

In 2010 must we really got back to the basic’s? where did we as a people start to for get about love, respect, family and MARRIAGE! when did the purity of ones soul darken so easily to think that because one feels the deep desire of temptation it is alright to respond to it? its not alright, if anything it should be considered as a sign of some sort to get your stuff together cause it is possible to feel those desires. after all thats how you ended up in a marriage. causing hurt to the others is just not right. clean you own mess before allowing yourself to make a mess in someone else’s family and world. so do what is right and fight that temptation, there are just some things we as a people should not do regardless of the desire that hounds you.

By: lulu

lulu — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 01:11:07 +0000

I can totally understand what she’s going through ! it’s important to understand.. I am attracted to a married guy right now, he started flirting with me way back when we met at my work place( he is a client) and he is extremely fit with a hot hot body . I am an attractive young girl and this guy has just had a baby as well ! And I understand why he finds me attractive but I don’t understand why he is flirting in a way that wants me to suggest something which I am not going to since he is married, I like the flirting and his comliments and if I be honest I have thought about sleeping with him because I can’t get his hot body out of my mind, but I have to say I tired to put myself in his wife’s position but I didn’t feel anything, mainly because to me this kind of guy is probably cheating on her already or will do with someone else if not me, so I won’t make a difference in how his personality is. it doesn’t depend on the women but the husband. I know it might sound like I am making excuses but no, it might make a difference to my life to sleep with a married guy but not to them! a cheater will always cheat, I’m sure there will be another attractive younger girl to sleep with him.. And if I only want to get under him would that make difference for both of us ? )
Anyways, overall I don’t believe in marriage so it might be a bit because of that, I think if you feel u wanna sleep with someone else it means that love was bull .. either u do it or no..
So now I want to find a way that he will finally say it and get it over with so I could get it out of my system and move on.. I know these are just my evil thoughts in my head and I probably wont do anything but anyways..

By: seldom

seldom — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:12:43 +0000

speaking of the devil, he just called

By: seldom

seldom — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:09:34 +0000

wow, I Agree it’s not good to judge people and their feelings too quickly. I too myself used to think that I would NEVER think to cheat on my spouse. 2yrs 1/2 ago I was introduced to my husbands friend and wife, I was very attracted, even though I mentioned it to my husband I never said anything else. I noticed he’s friend was very polite, and that would make him irresistable. I finally got him out of my mind and he called me a few months ago and we began to talk, I have told him I can’t do anything. He’s been open enough to say he just wants to be with me once and that’s it. I would love to be able to be with him once, I can imagine how interse it could be. Wow it blows me away. But something inside of me does not allow me to do such thing. Its a though call when your in this situation!!! you want something so BADD but you know you should not have it!! even though your happy it’s once once, you know that it’s wrong…

By: Carlisle Collins

Carlisle Collins — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:53:10 +0000

Hi L: I respect your honesty but the way things are, have been, likely to be, etc. “social acceptance” of the fulfillment of such desires as your is far from likely. In fact, quite a few jurisdictions regard adultery as a crime attracting penal sanctions (no pun!). I daresay, at some point in life, it is everyman’s fantasy to pleasure/be pleasured by more than one. But at best, these desires remain unfulfilled fantasies for one reason or another. And if they do manifest, very few would allow the same discretion (indiscretion?) to his wife because “what’s good for the gander may be good for the goose but I’ll be damned if she gets goosed by some low life drake; she might get to like it, and I’d be history” (or her story, depending on your gender preference!). Hypocritical? (You bet! But I’ll never admit it!!) You see, Polyamory is a covert characteristic exclusive to Man (despite the truth – because generally, in this area, we men can’t handle the truth!). But to augment this pseudo conservative standpoint that circumscribes the perimeter of what is generally considered “socially acceptable behavior”, one has only to withdraw oneself from the social dynamics momentarily and allow an objective, gestalten understanding of interpersonal relationships and the critical role that intimacy plays in establishing and defining social structure. One recognizes change, hurried, accelerated change ushering in rapid technological advancement and, along with it, a steady but decisive dilution in interpersonal bonding that has long since destabilized the fundamental societal unit – the family. I believe the critical reason for this is casual (or lack of) conformance to designated roles by individual members and laxity in setting an example and enforcing expectations for fear of being labeled ‘conservative’ or ‘disciplinarian’, or even ‘asshole’! I believe relationships become very confusing when roles lack solidity and shift back and forth. For instance, no matter how vociferously I may claim to love my wife and never leave her, just how truly committed am I when my desires, no matter how transitory, are offered to another? Is this form of ‘unselfishness’ a valid ‘test of love’ or a nutrient for the seed of corruption? During these difficult times when many are struggling to pick up the fragments and work at restoring family integrity and cohesiveness, shelving one’s ‘ultraliberal’, ‘progressive’ carnal desires would be a good sacrifice for the greater cause. Taboos are ALWAYS more fun to partake in; it is meant to be so. But the price that everyone eventually pays for the pleasures of the few is unfairly disproportionate. Peace!

By: L

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:02:40 +0000

I wanted to drop a quick line about how funny life is. You can judge someone all you like and say how you would never do something and then the next day you will be in that situation.

Like many of you, I always thought that any person who caused a married person to be unfaithful was total trash. I said this for years and turned down married men multiple times.

Recently I have begun having a STRONG attraction for one of my husband’s friends. I cannot get him out of my mind no matter how hard I try. It is not that I want to be with him. I do not. I just have the animal urge to do physcial things with him. My husband also finds his wife very attractive. However, we know that these people are not swingers. My husband wouldn’t mind if I did things with his friend. The limitation is that this couple doesn’t follow our line of thinking.

I have elected to avoid this couple at all costs. I hope that these sexual thoughts will be out of my head at some point. . Agagin, let me point out that I love my husband and have no intention of leaving him…it is all about. wild sexual chemistry.

Bottom line: Don’t judge. Try to be understanding. Understand that there are two sides to every story. You may be in the opposite situation some days so use a little compassion when dealing with others.

By: Carlisle Collins

Carlisle Collins — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:40:02 +0000

I AM ATTRACTED TO A MARRIED MAN…etc. An old post about a current issue: – Jumping To Hasty Conclusions!

Whoa, people! “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. For one scary moment I thought I was in some Iranian or Saudi site with every narrow-minded, self righteous hypocrite revved up for some serious weekend stone pelting! Give the woman a break, folks! All she wanted to do was strike up a conversation with someone interesting who she works with – not necessarily start a romantic liaison. Would it have made any difference if she found him boring yet wanted to find out exactly what feature about her made him ‘uncomfortable’?

Wanting to be a friend doesn’t necessarily amount to the desire to become a lover! Most man-man or man-woman friendships do begin between strangers (for the most part), sometimes between lonely strangers, sometimes married and lonely strangers who may be lonely intellectually or spiritually, or emotionally, or desirous of belonging to a support group, or just looking for company to help make the work day go by easier. Would this amount to ‘carrying on’ an illicit association unbeknownst to one’s spouse? There’s certainly a possibility that it could. But statistically, it’s improbable. (“But why take that chance, eh? Let’s just outlaw opposite sex socializing between non-relatives, ostracize them just like it says in Islamic Law! Furthermore, posing an impertinent, sinful question in a public forum is tantamount to admitting evil intentions, which is tantamount to committing the sinful Act itself!… Oh! The slut! How dare she even consider the first step that could ruin a marriage and schedule a double beheading!!).

We humans are gregarious by nature; social creatures! It is highly abnormal for anyone to isolate themselves especially from people at work. Most employers dsapprove of that behavior and view it as one’s inability/reluctance to get along with others. The work force is team effort, you know! Sort of like an extended family without who you probably wouldn’t have the ability to support yours!

Now, by nature, we’re attracted to interesting people (or people who interest us). If I encountered someone I found interesting but who was ‘uncomfortable’ in my company, I’d be curious to know why. Perhaps I was putting out the wrong signal, or she (he, for that matter) had a ‘thing’ against people with a lisp (i.e., Me), perhaps they have bad breath (or I do!) or Tourette Syndrome and were being deliberately guarded …

Short of muscling her into a direct confrontation, would it be considered proper etiquette to, yes, share the table with her during our lunch break? In public! Would this label me a ‘relationship piranha’, fair game for jealous husbands? (P.S. I’d like to use that term elsewhere, Rod It has that certain bite to it!). Would I be perceived as endeavoring to accomplish my ‘very selfish motives’ subconsciously (surreptitiously?), with Freudian overtones, disguised as an innocent Samaritan act of reaching out to a co-worker; Perhaps even wanting to know what she found ‘uncomfortable’ about my presence.

Q: Is there any merit to the determination of another’s motives and character when information relied upon is sketchy, limited, and prone to dffering (situation-specific) variants.