Comments on: The Seductive Nature of an Extramaritial Affair http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ Difficult Relationships - honest answers to relationship dilemmas Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:30:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Please read this post if your are interested in understanding affairs… « I am listening…. http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-136 Please read this post if your are interested in understanding affairs… « I am listening…. Mon, 06 Apr 2009 10:35:17 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-136 [...] Please read this post if your are interested in understanding affairs… Posted on April 6, 2009 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...] [...] Please read this post if your are interested in understanding affairs… Posted on April 6, 2009 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...]

]]> By: » Marriage Help: After the Affair Full Tilt Marriage.com http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-135 » Marriage Help: After the Affair Full Tilt Marriage.com Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:16:02 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-135 [...] This comment was left on the article found here: rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...] [...] This comment was left on the article found here: rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...]

]]> By: A woman writes, after ending her affair….. « Difficult Relationships by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-134 A woman writes, after ending her affair….. « Difficult Relationships by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT Tue, 15 Jan 2008 01:55:40 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-134 [...] This comment was left on the article found here: http://rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...] [...] This comment was left on the article found here: http://rodesmith.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/ [...]

]]> By: Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-133 Rod E. Smith, MSMFT Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:18:42 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-133 Dear Singsweet: Thanks for your reply and your insights. I trust your reflections will be read and informative to many women. Rod Smith Dear Singsweet:

Thanks for your reply and your insights.

I trust your reflections will be read and informative to many women.

Rod Smith

]]> By: Singsweet http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-132 Singsweet Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:05:40 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-132 WoW! I happened to fall upon this site and I am so amazed at all the responses on this matter. I am not proud of what I am about to say....but I fell in love with a married man. It started out as a professional relationship, but he flirted and pursued me and eventually I relented. I believed him when he said "nothing would change between us professionally". I believed him when he said "I have never done this before"....but little clues led me to believe different. The fact that when his wife called him on his cell and he answered while I was present...he would look me straight in the eye and not act nervous at all. Another time....I tested this, but hugging him while he was conversing with her and he did not wince, or push me away at all! So, either he really hated her or he is very used to this situation. I wised up and left this relationship.....she caught on....and you could tell that she had dealt with this before....she wasn't even angry...it was more like....."here we go again" type of attitude.....I feel sorry for her. He is "high profile", makes a good living and they have several young kids. If hurt to leave, because I did love him....probably still do...but bottom line...it was so wrong!! One doesn't intentionally try to get into these situations....at least I didn't....it just happened, and like a fool I fell for his charms. Don't be stupid like I was.....realize...that if they REALLY loved you?? They would leave her for you....but then....."buyer beware"....you just might get what you wished for!?!? Hmmmm.........!?! No Thanks!! I don't want to spend MY marriage looking over my shoulder and babysitting my husband.....just like it has been stated previously....it they did it to them? What is to stop them from doing it to you?? What makes you better?? You are NOT the mother of his kids, you do NOT own property together, you do NOT have a history together....so why wouldn't he cheat on you too?? Just an FYI....take it from someone who knows.... OH!!......yeah...here's an update for you.....AFTER I broke it off with him....I ran into a girl at a nightclub and she told he that he had sex with one of her co-workers!!! Now who would have thought!! ~ WoW! I happened to fall upon this site and I am so amazed at all the responses on this matter. I am not proud of what I am about to say….but I fell in love with a married man. It started out as a professional relationship, but he flirted and pursued me and eventually I relented. I believed him when he said “nothing would change between us professionally”. I believed him when he said “I have never done this before”….but little clues led me to believe different. The fact that when his wife called him on his cell and he answered while I was present…he would look me straight in the eye and not act nervous at all. Another time….I tested this, but hugging him while he was conversing with her and he did not wince, or push me away at all! So, either he really hated her or he is very used to this situation. I wised up and left this relationship…..she caught on….and you could tell that she had dealt with this before….she wasn’t even angry…it was more like…..”here we go again” type of attitude…..I feel sorry for her. He is “high profile”, makes a good living and they have several young kids. If hurt to leave, because I did love him….probably still do…but bottom line…it was so wrong!! One doesn’t intentionally try to get into these situations….at least I didn’t….it just happened, and like a fool I fell for his charms. Don’t be stupid like I was…..realize…that if they REALLY loved you?? They would leave her for you….but then…..”buyer beware”….you just might get what you wished for!?!? Hmmmm………!?! No Thanks!! I don’t want to spend MY marriage looking over my shoulder and babysitting my husband…..just like it has been stated previously….it they did it to them? What is to stop them from doing it to you?? What makes you better?? You are NOT the mother of his kids, you do NOT own property together, you do NOT have a history together….so why wouldn’t he cheat on you too?? Just an FYI….take it from someone who knows….

OH!!……yeah…here’s an update for you…..AFTER I broke it off with him….I ran into a girl at a nightclub and she told he that he had sex with one of her co-workers!!! Now who would have thought!! ~

]]> By: rosemarie http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-131 rosemarie Mon, 12 Feb 2007 01:46:04 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-131 After all this time, i am here to tell a story. my story continues from up above. Its been over a year. There is nothing i see that is consistent this whole year except that he is still with her. It has been a few weeks that he has not signed the divorce papers. He seems to want to come and hug me and come and have casual conversation with me. He still checks me out when he sees me. His behavior is confusing. He has broken down a couple of times and he says its because of his children. I'm not sure what to think. Help! After all this time, i am here to tell a story. my story continues from up above. Its been over a year. There is nothing i see that is consistent this whole year except that he is still with her. It has been a few weeks that he has not signed the divorce papers. He seems to want to come and hug me and come and have casual conversation with me. He still checks me out when he sees me. His behavior is confusing. He has broken down a couple of times and he says its because of his children. I’m not sure what to think. Help!

]]> By: Lost in Florida http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-130 Lost in Florida Tue, 12 Sep 2006 00:33:54 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-130 Hi Sugarfree, I was involved in an affair with a married man while I was married. It was exciting and passionate and I felt alive. I did not leave my husband of 12 years during the affair but it strained the marriage and my children so badly that we have since seperated. I feel a lot of what Rod had to say up top is right on the money, and I have lost everything that was important to me because I thought I loved him. You didn't mention how long the affair has been going on, but if it has been a while, there is a reason that you two have not told each other that you love one another. If it has been short, like mine was (but intense), then you may be in love with the excitement, the passion, the way he treats you when you are together. This is the feeling I had. But he went home to his family and I went home to mine after our meetings. It became unbearable, living two lives and the constant cover-ups. He did not want to commit, or should I say, he did not want to leave his family and life. You also didn't mention if you have children from your marriage. I have two teenagers, who were preteens when this all happened. They have had a lot a trust issues with me and stored up anger. My husband (maybe soon to be ex) is not a bad man. He provides for us and is involved in the community. I just felt like things were stale between us, so I looked elsewhere. When I was involved in the affair, I thought I didn't love him, because I was so convinced that other man was the greatest thing on earth. After some time I realized that I was being selfish. I let everything else slip, the house, our friends, the kids, because I was crazy in the head over this guy. I now go to see a counsellor to work on this. I hope to work with my husband soon too. Yes, I have issues with him, but in the end, they seem trivial now and I think we could work it out. I'm sorry that you were not able to work it out with yours, but maybe the reasons for your divorce were significant. I have also looked around at other websites and done some reading into the subject. I can't quote anything, because I have a bad memory, but there is good advice out there. I found out the hard way that affairs are hurtful to everyone involved. Especially to me, because I have to live with it now. I hope you can figure it out and don't worry about meeting someone, it will happen. Hi Sugarfree,

I was involved in an affair with a married man while I was married. It was exciting and passionate and I felt alive. I did not leave my husband of 12 years during the affair but it strained the marriage and my children so badly that we have since seperated. I feel a lot of what Rod had to say up top is right on the money, and I have lost everything that was important to me because I thought I loved him.

You didn’t mention how long the affair has been going on, but if it has been a while, there is a reason that you two have not told each other that you love one another. If it has been short, like mine was (but intense), then you may be in love with the excitement, the passion, the way he treats you when you are together. This is the feeling I had. But he went home to his family and I went home to mine after our meetings. It became unbearable, living two lives and the constant cover-ups.

He did not want to commit, or should I say, he did not want to leave his family and life. You also didn’t mention if you have children from your marriage. I have two teenagers, who were preteens when this all happened. They have had a lot a trust issues with me and stored up anger. My husband (maybe soon to be ex) is not a bad man. He provides for us and is involved in the community. I just felt like things were stale between us, so I looked elsewhere. When I was involved in the affair, I thought I didn’t love him, because I was so convinced that other man was the greatest thing on earth. After some time I realized that I was being selfish. I let everything else slip, the house, our friends, the kids, because I was crazy in the head over this guy.

I now go to see a counsellor to work on this. I hope to work with my husband soon too. Yes, I have issues with him, but in the end, they seem trivial now and I think we could work it out. I’m sorry that you were not able to work it out with yours, but maybe the reasons for your divorce were significant.

I have also looked around at other websites and done some reading into the subject. I can’t quote anything, because I have a bad memory, but there is good advice out there. I found out the hard way that affairs are hurtful to everyone involved. Especially to me, because I have to live with it now. I hope you can figure it out and don’t worry about meeting someone, it will happen.

]]> By: Sugarfree Vanilla http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-129 Sugarfree Vanilla Tue, 15 Aug 2006 01:43:50 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-129 I read this with sinking pain. How many have read this and thought, "that's not how it is for us - we're different". I know that's how I feel. I also know that on most levels I'm wrong. We've both tried to end it. Four times now, I think. The last time it was my attempt and I lasted barely a month before I couldn't bear it any longer. I missed him so much, I was so lonely without him. When I returned to him, he was angry at me for taking us away. A week later, he was anguished telling me we had to stop, had to end. And then we talked for hours and he told me he couldn't give me up and I cannot give him up. He's never offered more, I've never asked it. But I've wished for it. Before I got divorced, it worked for us both. But I changed; I got out of my marriage for other reasons. Now, well now I want him. I am terrified at the thought of losing my last touchstone. I cannot think about anything else but the few hours a week we spend together. I know he's unhappy and I see the evolution and I see that his own marriage will not last forever. He's a good man. I am a good woman. I never expected to love someone like this and even though we've never used that word, I know he loves me too. I also know that I have never been in love before until now. My ex husband and I never had this. I am afraid of trying to start again. I have only loved two men in my life and the first was not even real love, I know that now. It took me 35 years to find this person who ignites my body and my mind. The thought of leaving it behind, even the limited time we do have together, frightens me more than I could ever truly say. I don't know how to meet someone else. I'm too afraid. I read this with sinking pain. How many have read this and thought, “that’s not how it is for us – we’re different”. I know that’s how I feel. I also know that on most levels I’m wrong.

We’ve both tried to end it. Four times now, I think. The last time it was my attempt and I lasted barely a month before I couldn’t bear it any longer. I missed him so much, I was so lonely without him. When I returned to him, he was angry at me for taking us away. A week later, he was anguished telling me we had to stop, had to end. And then we talked for hours and he told me he couldn’t give me up and I cannot give him up.

He’s never offered more, I’ve never asked it. But I’ve wished for it. Before I got divorced, it worked for us both. But I changed; I got out of my marriage for other reasons. Now, well now I want him. I am terrified at the thought of losing my last touchstone. I cannot think about anything else but the few hours a week we spend together. I know he’s unhappy and I see the evolution and I see that his own marriage will not last forever.

He’s a good man. I am a good woman. I never expected to love someone like this and even though we’ve never used that word, I know he loves me too. I also know that I have never been in love before until now. My ex husband and I never had this. I am afraid of trying to start again. I have only loved two men in my life and the first was not even real love, I know that now. It took me 35 years to find this person who ignites my body and my mind. The thought of leaving it behind, even the limited time we do have together, frightens me more than I could ever truly say. I don’t know how to meet someone else.

I’m too afraid.

]]> By: Rod Smith http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-128 Rod Smith Tue, 25 Jul 2006 18:39:38 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-128 also, see DifficultMen.com also, see DifficultMen.com

]]> By: Rod Smith http://www.difficultrelationships.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-127 Rod Smith Tue, 25 Jul 2006 18:38:44 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2006/01/13/the-seductive-nature-of-an-extramaritial-affair/#comment-127 thanks Rosemarie -- please contact me if you'd like to talk....... SKYPE address: "RodESmithMSMFT" thanks Rosemarie — please contact me if you’d like to talk…….

SKYPE address: “RodESmithMSMFT”

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